A few weeks ago, an old friend I hadn’t seen in years told me excitedly that he reads all of my blog posts and loves them. He followed that by asking why I never talk about my kids. I guess I didn’t realize this until he pointed it out. This brought me to question myself as to why I haven’t written much about them.
I am a mom to a 9-year-old little boy and a 7-year-old little girl. When I grew up, I never really wanted to have kids. I was fearful I wouldn’t be able to be the type of Mother I should be. They are hands down THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. I cannot imagine my world without them, and they truly saved my life.
That being said this is the hardest thing I have ever done. Add in a crazy divorce, that still impacts them daily and you can begin to go down the “I am the worst human on the planet” rabbit hole really easy. This is why I don’t I talk about them much. There are still some many things pertaining to them that I don’t agree with. Rules and choices that were made during this divorce process that I still don’t understand and never will. Some things so upsetting that I spent thousands of dollars to go back to court just this last summer.
I could just write about the good days. I could write about the chaotic days of trying to juggle work, school runs and activities that leave you feeling like a dog chasing his own tail for 12 hours in a circle and getting nowhere. (I bet all the parents reading this are laughing right now because you totally understand what I mean!)
When I right my blogs, the words just flow from me with not much thought. When I think about what I honestly want to write about when it pertains to my kids, it isn’t time yet. I haven’t healed yet and I am still dealing with decisions I don’t understand regularly. The honesty of my blogs is what people relate too and I need to respect my children and their space as we grow and learn from these life lessons.
I can say I love my conversations with my littles. They teach me so much every day. I love they still want to cuddle with me every night and I pray that lasts forever. The chaos that comes with kids is never-ending. It’s like someone is throwing fastballs at you continually throughout the day and you just have to stop everything you are doing and catch them. (That analogy will defiantly resonate with the single working moms out there.) I am sure I will think of more posts that I do want to write when it comes to them, but this is a brief explanation of why I haven’t yet.
Who knows, maybe this brief blog was a part of the healing I needed to open the door to move forward. Maybe you will get to hear more about my adventures of a basically single mom (my boyfriend works 50+ hours a week, and of his 8 days of the month we only have the kids on 2 of the 8) ….. Let me start that sentence again. More stories to come of the basically single mom who owns and runs two companies and the third company is a DJ career that still has her traveling out of state at least once a month to play shows.
- Amanda (@missdjlux ❤️)