Today my baby girl turns 8. As your child grows, it brings up so many emotions. I was reflecting last night about when I was pregnant with her. It was a really hard pregnancy. I was in a lot of pain and I was working way too much. I didn’t show myself love so how could I expect the people around me to. I used to say all the time “I don’t want a little girl anything like me.” What hurtful words to say to myself and to my unborn daughter!!

I didn’t realize it at the time, but those words were the acknowledgement that the life I was living was not authentic. I did not want her to grow up and be the “party girl”. I used to joke that I had daddy issues and she wouldn’t have those so she would be fine. It was so much more than that. When I chose to say “I don’t want you to be like me” I wasn’t acknowledging the qualities in me that I LOVE and I did want her to have.

It breaks down to this.  What you focus on becomes your reality. When I started to change my focus to what was important to me in life, my reality shifted. I have come a long way in learning to love myself and know that I deserve that love in return. I am damn proud today that that little girl is exactly like me.

Her energy lights up a room. Her drive and ambition are going to take her where ever her heart dreams she wants to go. If someone tells her she can’t do something, she says “oh yeah, watch this”. She is gentle, compassionate and love pours from every cell in her body. I am so proud she is exactly like me.

You are my strong, beautiful little girl who will eventually turn into a strong, beautiful woman. You are ambitious, caring and gentle. I promise to continue to learn and grow and be the best version of myself for you and your brother. I will let you learn your lessons but please do not grow up too fast.

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Always keep believing in magic. Fairies are real and your dreams can become your reality. Always talk nice about yourself. Never take anything too serious. Always know how much your family loves you.

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You are a shining light in a dark world. Your light will help others and I will always be here to hold your hand through the journey. I love you Mykla Bella. Happy Birthday and thank you for choosing me to be your mother.

Wow you guys, Christmas has come and gone! This morning I am reflecting on all the love that surrounds me in this present moment. Christmas is hard on so many. Last week I was stressing about not having time to send out Christmas cards and not getting to do every little thing I had wanted to do on my list. I was in tears at the store because I felt overwhelmed with the commercial aspect of Christmas and did I do well by my kids? I was worried about all the things that weren’t important.

I completely unplugged on Christmas Eve. I didn’t care where my phone was nor did I think about it. For those of you that know me and know how hard I constantly work, this is an amazing accomplishment! It also made me realize that I need to schedule more unplug days in 2019. Not just holidays, scheduled days during the month. Everything can wait. My kids and my family cannot.

Christmas was here. You know what was important? Having all of my boyfriend’s kids and my kids sleeping under one roof for the night. Waking up next to the 3 loves of my life. Having all our kids get to spend Christmas morning together. This was Christmas. This was all I wanted. Last night I was so relaxed, so happy laying in my loves arms thinking about the day. This was the best Christmas I had had in years.

It is hard to not get wrapped up in the things “you are supposed to do”. It is hard to not get carried away in the commercial aspect of Christmas that bombards us all. I hope that you all woke up today feeling LOVE. Love for yourself,  love for your family (blood or chosen), and appreciation for where you are in this moment.

Happy Holidays from our tribe to yours! Take a little time to love yourself and spread love today.

- Amanda (@missdjlux ❤️)

Holidays can be trying in so many ways, but I think none more trying than for those that have lost a loved one. Especially if it is the 1st Holiday Season without their loved one.

I had the honor of having another very late-night conversation with a very dear friend of mine the other day. He lost his son a few months ago to suicide, I can only imagine the rollercoaster ride of emotions that go with a parent losing a child. We usually have late night texting conversations, but this time was different. I could tell he was feeling a bit heavier than before, so I decided a conversation would be better.

We spoke about so many things, the heaviness he was feeling with the thought that he didn’t do enough, the enormous hole in his heart for the thought of not being able to hug or converse with his son again. I allowed him to voice all he needed to, trying to support when I could and encourage him to know that there was nothing he could have done. This was a path that his son was on and it was his to navigate.

We also spoke about a few of our friends that have also lost children over the years. We discussed how they died, overdose, car accident, sickness and came to the absolute conclusion that it does not matter. It is sad that even in death suicide carries astigmatism. A loss is a loss, how does not matter, the pain is still there, and it is very real.

We also discussed how difficult it is sometimes to go anywhere. That sometimes it can be uncomfortable, and I really had to look inside for this one. I know myself, in the past, I have avoided some people because I didn’t know what to say to them and I didn’t want to upset them. Since I have reawakened my soul I see things so differently. Now I realize that it’s ok to just be there and hug them, it’s ok to just listen and let them share or cry, it’s ok to sit in silence with them and let them know they are not alone, that this pain they are feeling will become more bearable. It’s ok to not be able to “fix” a situation, sometimes the best thing you can do is just “be”.

If you know someone that has lost a loved one don’t avoid them, don’t be afraid to bring up the person they have lost or to say their name. Don’t worry about whether you are going to make them think about their loved one and disrupt what may be a “good day”….. Don’t worry about any of these things just love them and hold a space of healing and strength for them.

Think of a great memory you have of their loved one and then tell them. Say “Hey, I was just thinking about ***** the other day and that time that he ……..” This solidifies that their loved one’s life had meaning, that their time here on this earth meant something. You’re not going to upset them. I promise you, not a minute of the day goes by that they are not thinking about their loved one. Sometimes, it’s hard to think about them and not go down the rabbit hole of despair and sadness. What a gift you can give to them by sharing a beautiful memory and pulling them out of that vibration for a bit. When you share a memory, you honor the loved one that has crossed.

Remember, every person grieves in their own way. There are no rules to grieving. Allow people to feel all the feelings they need to and please know that every loss holds the same pain and deserves the same respect and love.

In closing, it is more important than ever to remember self-care at this time of the year. This can be something as simple as taking a bath in the middle of the afternoon or sitting in your car in a parking lot and doing meditation to re-center and ground yourself.

Happy Holidays

🙏🏻💕🙏🏻 @motheringhealing

A few weeks ago, an old friend I hadn’t seen in years told me excitedly that he reads all of my blog posts and loves them. He followed that by asking why I never talk about my kids. I guess I didn’t realize this until he pointed it out. This brought me to question myself as to why I haven’t written much about them.

I am a mom to a 9-year-old little boy and a 7-year-old little girl. When I grew up, I never really wanted to have kids. I was fearful I wouldn’t be able to be the type of Mother I should be. They are hands down THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. I cannot imagine my world without them, and they truly saved my life.

That being said this is the hardest thing I have ever done. Add in a crazy divorce, that still impacts them daily and you can begin to go down the “I am the worst human on the planet” rabbit hole really easy. This is why I don’t I talk about them much. There are still some many things pertaining to them that I don’t agree with. Rules and choices that were made during this divorce process that I still don’t understand and never will. Some things so upsetting that I spent thousands of dollars to go back to court just this last summer.

I could just write about the good days. I could write about the chaotic days of trying to juggle work, school runs and activities that leave you feeling like a dog chasing his own tail for 12 hours in a circle and getting nowhere. (I bet all the parents reading this are laughing right now because you totally understand what I mean!)

When I right my blogs, the words just flow from me with not much thought. When I think about what I honestly want to write about when it pertains to my kids, it isn’t time yet. I haven’t healed yet and I am still dealing with decisions I don’t understand regularly. The honesty of my blogs is what people relate too and I need to respect my children and their space as we grow and learn from these life lessons.

I can say I love my conversations with my littles. They teach me so much every day. I love they still want to cuddle with me every night and I pray that lasts forever. The chaos that comes with kids is never-ending. It’s like someone is throwing fastballs at you continually throughout the day and you just have to stop everything you are doing and catch them. (That analogy will defiantly resonate with the single working moms out there.) I am sure I will think of more posts that I do want to write when it comes to them, but this is a brief explanation of why I haven’t yet.

Who knows, maybe this brief blog was a part of the healing I needed to open the door to move forward. Maybe you will get to hear more about my adventures of a basically single mom (my boyfriend works 50+ hours a week, and of his 8 days of the month we only have the kids on 2 of the 8) ….. Let me start that sentence again. More stories to come of the basically single mom who owns and runs two companies and the third company is a DJ career that still has her traveling out of state at least once a month to play shows.

- Amanda (@missdjlux ❤️)

I know this is heavy right now especially before the Holidays, but there is truly only NOW. This moment is the only moment that really is, the past is gone, the future is completely unknown and this moment, in my NOW, I’m holding space that this can change and we can save a society of people that have been almost discarded. 

Do you wonder why we have so many drug addicts in our country, why so many people die from overdoses? The system is broken! Over the past couple of years, I have sat back and watched and shed tears as my son goes in and out of detox, back and forth with rehab. Every time it didn’t work out I would be heartbroken and think why doesn’t he want to get healthy? Why doesn’t he just stick with it?

Well, he is on the rollercoaster ride once again trying to do everything right and this time I’m trying to follow him every step of the way. Before Thanksgiving, he checked himself into detox. From the first phone call, I knew that he was pretty sick. His cough sounded horrible, he barely had a voice and he had a rash on his hand that was turning into ulcer sores. When he asked for medical treatment he was basically denied. He was told to sign up for the nurse that came in only on Mondays, 5 days away. He did that and was at the end of the list so was not seen on Monday. He was then told that he could check himself out of detox and go to the Clinic and then try to get back into detox the next day if there was a bed. HUH???? First of all, how many addicts do you know in the middle of detoxing can check themselves out, go to a clinic, spend the night on the streets and not use again sending themselves into another 7-10 day at least drug spiral? Simple medical care should be given to everyone.

Let’s think about this for just a moment, this is a sickness, period. No one understands this better than I. It affects some people and doesn’t others. Just like diabetes, high blood pressure, Alzheimer’s, cancer… It is a disease. Now, I have heard some people say that it isn’t the same because you have a choice whether or not you TRY alcohol, cocaine or even drugs prescribed by your DR. Well, all it takes is one time and if this disease is in your make up then you go down the rabbit hole and before you even realize you have the disease it is too late.

I’m one of the lucky ones that this disease did not get its deadly grip on, not because I didn’t TRY. When I was in my teens I drank alcohol, smoked pot, did cocaine and acid morning, noon and night. From the age of 15 to 20 I don’t think I lived 1 “sober” hour. I did more drugs than any one person should do in 20 lifetimes. But then I found out I was pregnant, and I stopped everything without even thinking twice about it. It was easy for me. The father of my baby, the man I got started on hardcore drugs, couldn’t quit and I didn’t understand why he couldn’t. Fast forward to 5 years ago when I had both of my knees replaced. I was on so many strong narcotics for over a year that the Dr. I saw a couple years ago was amazed that I didn’t have an opioid addiction. Some people don’t get diabetes or cancer even if they eat sweets every day or smoke 5 packs of cigarettes. Because it’s not in their make-up.

Imagine with me for just a moment, that a man is told he has lung cancer. We don’t look at cancer patients and say, and we never should say, well that’s too bad, you should have never tried cigarettes. Or, maybe you should have stayed out of the sun. When they relapse, and cancer comes back, we don’t turn them away and say too bad that didn’t work for you. We treat them, as we should, with empathy and compassion. We have fundraisers to try and help with their medical and daily living expenses.

Addicts are looked down upon, treated worse than criminals many times unless you have a lot of money. At a time when they need sympathy, compassion, and understanding we tend to attack them and put them down. When they get clean and are finally on a good path, they are many times sent out with no good tools to stay that way. Many of them, if they can get work, can only do so in jobs that are infested with drug usurers and addicts, making their struggle to remain clean and sober almost unbearable.

The system is broken and until it gets fixed and some changes are made, this problem is only going to grow. No one yet has been able to convince me that the pharmaceutical industry has a hand in this. It’s not like diabetes, high blood pressure or cancer, where they can rape the patients with the outrageous cost of prescription drugs. The only money that is made on addicts is treatment, so let’s fix them just enough so that they fall off and come back in another 6 months.

CBS did an article last year; drug overdose is now the leading cause of death in those under 50. It’s not getting better, it’s getting worse. It is below if you would like to read it….

https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/overdoses-are-leading-cause-of-death-americans-under-50/

I know there are some good programs out there but there have to be more. The system needs to change, or this disease is about to wipe out a whole generation. I buy lottery tickets, not because I want a big house, fancy car or crazy jewelry and clothes, I buy lottery tickets because I want to BE that change! Will you BE the change with me?

- Celeste (@motherhealing 💖🙏🏻💗) 

With the Holiday Season upon us, I just thought I would take a moment to share another perspective with you.  Especially with everything going on in society right now. There are so many things I wish I could go back and do differently with my children.  I can’t go back in time, but if I continue to share what I have learned along the way then maybe I can influence the next generation in a positive way.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a good hug and being an empath, a hug from the right person can give me such a recharge of energy, but before I learned that I had a choice, that I didn’t have to hug everyone, it was also a fast way to deplete my energy. When our children are young, 3-6 years old, they are discovering that they are their own person. With this discovery comes a time of learning to listen to their instincts, learning that they have a voice, learning that they’re emotions and feelings are theirs and not their parents. We as adults have a responsibility to help them navigate all of these feelings, not to push ours onto them.

Think about this for a moment, it’s Thanksgiving and Uncle Johnny shows up who hasn’t been around for years. You say to your daughter or son, “go give Uncle Johnny a big hug, you need to thank him for the present he sent you on your Birthday”.  Do we want our children to learn that if someone gives them a “present” they have to “hug” them or allow them to “touch” them when it feels uncomfortable to them? Now I know some of you are thinking, “but this is my family, I trust them, my children should trust me”.  Uncle Johnny is a stranger to your child, they need the opportunity to get to know them, to feel comfortable around them before they get that close to them. We need to teach our children to learn what their feelings are and what they’re boundaries are. They need to learn that when something doesn’t feel right, it’s ok to say no. Now I’m not saying to give your children permission to be rude, give them options, a handshake or high-five, and teach them to do what feels comfortable for them.

Personally, I know that as a child, I was always expected to give everyone a hug when they came to visit or left. What a confusing thing to do to our children.  I always BEG people when I am around their children to not force them to hug me. They need to learn that they have a voice both inside and out and we need to respect that. How can they learn what their boundaries are if we as adults constantly force them to do something that feels unnatural or uncomfortable? It doesn't mean they don't like us or have anything against us, it just means that we're not welcome into their most intimate circle and that's ok!  What a beautiful thing it is when they do feel comfortable enough to let us in.

PLEASE, if you have ever agreed with anything I've posted, PLEASE take this one to heart because I believe it with every fiber of my being. Allow your children to OWN their boundaries! Allow every hug they give and receive to reenergize them because all they feel is LOVE.

Happy Holidays! May we all be blessed with a Safe and Loving Holiday Season filled with Gratitude...

- Celeste (@motherhealing 💖🙏🏻💗)

I spend most of my days giving people advice through my work and personal relationships.  So often I hear, “it must feel so good to be you! You always know what to say”  Well I’m here to tell you I DON’T!  I am so grateful and humbled when I am able to guide someone to stand in their own power and make positive changes in their life, but I don’t always have the answer,  Especially when it comes to my own life.  We all are here to learn lessons and to continue to grow.  I have found over the years that the most difficult lessons and times in my life, the ones that “hurt” the most, are the ones that I have learned the biggest lessons from.  

Well, today I find myself facing a lesson that has reoccurred over and over again throughout my life.  It is a belief of not being good enough, deserving of success, happiness, love.  I have been so close, so many times in my life to having everything I’ve dreamed of only to sabotage the situation and run away from it.  Not today!  TODAY, I stand and fight! TODAY, I stand in my POWER!  Today I choose to believe, to know that everything I am seeking is seeking me. To sit in the moment, in the feeling and know that if I grow thru it, it will all come. Today, instead of feeding the fear and running, I chose to sit in silence and embrace the feelings and be grateful for the lesson. In this silence I realized that the problem wasn’t the feelings I was having, the problem was the control I gave to them and what I chose to do with them.  

Never reject your feelings, whether happy, sad, scared, depressed, angry…. they are all valid and you are feeling them for a reason.  Embrace them, accept them, be grateful for them.  If you like the feeling, stay in it!  But if you don’t, then grow thru it and LET IT GO! 

 🙏🏻💕🙏🏻Celeste (@motheringhealing)