4 years SOBER!!!! Holy shit! I can’t believe it has been 4 years since I decided I wasn’t going to drink or party anymore. I did this for me, for my kids, and for my family. Can you believe that after 4 years, I still get weird looks and people wonder “what must have happened to me” to choose sober? I have written about Sober being the new curse word many times. It is the only situation where choosing healthy is made out as a negative or you must have been in a negative situation to choose it. Hello world! I was NOT IN A NEGATIVE SITUATION, but I chose HEALTHY! SOBRIETY IS HEALTHY. Sorry for all caps but that is for the people in the back.

I was just like everyone else around me. I didn’t party more than the world I lived in. I was successful and I never even thought I had a problem. I saw “problems” every day and I wasn’t there. Well, that is what I was conditioned to believe though right? We are allowed to be drunk and do dumb things? We are allowed to say, sorry, I didn’t mean to because I was drunk? Those are all things we grew up learning and are now accepted behavior in our homes. So, wait, we are okay with the problems the toxic element brings but the person who stops using the toxic element is the “problem”???? Our world is F#CKED. Ha, excuse the language but seriously, remove the alcohol and give this equation to a child and even they would know it makes no sense whatsoever.

Four years ago, I started to question what I wanted my future for my kids to look like. Was that the behavior what I wanted to teach my kids?  Did I want my kids to see me intoxicated? Did I want my daughter to grow up to be the version of me that was the partier? What if my anxiety could get better without the toxic substances? What if I could be a better mom by just by giving up one thing?

So, I decided to try. I did a month. Then three months. Then a year. Then I decided to just keep going because I felt so damn good that why would I choose any other way. Then a year and half in, the love of my life was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. I am so blessed that I was not self-medicating! The journey that took place for the next 2 years would have been very different if I was using alcohol to cope. He is here, healthy and cancer free and I am here still sober.

As I was talking to my kids about my sobriety last night and why it is so important to me, my heart was so full. I told them it is hard to show up in a world that conditions you to believe that the toxic behavior is fun, and still be the one who is fun. It is hard to feel every emotion and not check out, but it is so worth it. When we learn to be fully present within ourselves and learn what makes our hearts happy, we live more fulfilled lives.

Some still try to project onto me that I did something wrong. It is sad to me that our society would rather choose to look down on a healthy decision rather than celebrate it. Imagine how that makes someone feel that is struggling to show up in this world as a better version of themselves. If someone says they are sober or on a journey of recovery, celebrate them!! They need it. Society shouldn’t make you feel less than for choosing a healthier path to live. If your sober curious and want to talk, reach out to me. Let’s start a conversation about a healthy a lifestyle.   

- Amanda ( @luxhealingarts ❤️ )

Halloween stems from ancient Celtic rituals that blended with other rituals along the way. Samhain, All Saint’s Day, All Hallows Eve, and celebrations of the crops. Historically cultures felt that this was a day where the veil was thin between our world and the spirit world. They used the energy to ask for protection for their current crops and set positive intentions for the future crops to come. They also practiced doing readings on each other and would take turns trying to tell the future.
 
The Halloween we have today is about costumes, makeup, and candy. All things that disconnect us and energetically deplete us. Not to mention if you are in a financial space where you can’t afford “all the things” it can leave you feeling less than. Take some time this weekend to reconnect with the celebration and remind yourself that all kids truly want is time.
 
🎃 Teach them gratitude and remember this used to be a time to be thankful for the crops.
 
💕 Teach them protection. This was a time to set an intention that winter, although dark and cold, Spring will follow vibrant and abundant.
 
🔥 Teach them to feel the energy. Our world is always thin to the spirit world if we pay attention. What signs are they sending us? Teach them how to use this energy to find the positive message of support.
 
And yes, dress up, have fun, and eat the candy. Just realize that the energy is so much more than that.

As a society the hustle culture was glorified and praised. Work hard, play hard and party harder. That is how I grew up. Until Covid hit I did not realize how much I worked and helped those around me to a fault of my own health.

I was trained to work hard. I grew up helping my family with their kids because that is what you do right? It was an expectation that I learned that turned into a responsibility I put on myself. It wasn’t until recently, I realized it is not my responsibility to always be the one that helps my family. Then I started working at a young age and loved the freedom of having my own money to spend. When I got to college, I worked multiple jobs so that I could afford living expenses and to stay in school.

As I became an adult, I worked multiple jobs and went to school. I was expected to always pay my ½ of everything even when it was out of my means because I was a full-time student. I learned to earn love, I had to work harder.  I worked 3 jobs at times to keep our house when my significant other wasn’t really working to follow his dreams. I was okay with it because we were working towards “a common goal” or so I thought, but that is another blog.

What I am trying to get at is I am 42 and I have literally worked 2 or 3 jobs my entire adult life. I didn’t get maternity leave because we owned our own business and things could never wait. If we didn’t get things done now (even breast feeding and creating flyers on the computer) we would miss our chance. I always had to immediately answer the phone when it rang because a sale could be lost.

That was the epicenter of hustle culture. Always on with complete disregard of life passing you by. When I decided to end my relationship of 17 years, I knew this was a major aspect of my life that was killing me, and I wanted to change it immediately. That was 5 ½ years ago and I can finally say I did it.

It started with the phone. This took me years to break. I had been trained that I had to answer every call and every text immediately because we could lose a VIP booth sale if I didn’t. Detaching myself from my phone was SO HARD. I was able to do it with some of the best advice I have ever gotten from my cousin’s wife, Briana.

She said start red, yellow, and green time with your phone. Green time, you can answer. Yellow time, you can answer if it is important. Red time you never answer. I told this to my children, and I allowed them to say “mommy, red time.” It gave my children some power over the situation and allowed me to hold myself accountable so I could break the habit of panicking if I missed a call. We still do this today.

The major shifts came last year when COVID hit, and the world stopped. I was having a really hard time juggling the kids being home all the time and working from home. My daughter needed a lot of extra time, and I didn’t know how to give it to her. I realized when we were hiking, I was still distracted by phone and client emails.

I remembered an experience I had 6 months prior when I was partnering with Lindsay of LVL Holistics. She said she didn’t have her email on her phone so sometimes it would take a few days for her to respond. I remember thinking how crazy that was, but it intrigued me that she could this as successful business owner. I decided to try it. I was a LIFE CHANGER. I still do not have my email on my phone to do this day. I check my emails when I am in front of my computer and not any other time.

As Covid went on I was able to slow down more and more, reconnecting with myself and my kids. Taking more time off. Blocking out work time and family time. Along the way, I found some amazing business partners who have not only been my mentors and coaches, but I can say are truly becoming some of my biggest supporters.  

For the first time in my adult life, I just took a vacation with my family, and I DIDN’T WORK! It felt amazing! I don’t know if I have ever felt so present with my family. My business partners truly stepped up and worked the events while I was away. I cannot explain the feeling of a supportive team that you can trust so you don’t even have to think about what is going on without you there. Thank you Wandaly and Haley for showing up for me in so many ways this last year. I can’t wait to see what we build together.

I will always have multiple jobs because I love having multiple businesses. Understanding and respecting the pause and the breaks are truly what makes you successful. If there is a positive that came out of COVID, it is that the hustle culture is a scam. The real hustle is working less, doing what you love, and making more.

- Amanda (@luxhealingarts ❤️)

In the northern hemisphere, the summer solstice is the day with the longest amount of sunlight. The shortest amount of darkness. It is a day to celebrate and honor the light.

This day represents a little piece of ancient magic in our modern world. Stonehenge aligns with the sun at sunrise on this day. The great pyramids in Egypt highlight the sunset perfectly. Peru, China, Mexico, and other countries all have ancient sites aligned perfectly with the solstice.

Even bonfires, stemming from ancient European cultures were held due to their belief they boosted the sun’s energy for the growing season. “Bonfires also were associated with magic. It was believed that bonfires could help banish demons and evil spirits and lead maidens to their future husbands. Magic was thought to be strongest during the summer solstice.” – history.com

Energetically we can feel the magic in our body. This dynamic pull to our ancient cellular connection and the future blossoming and unfolding. This is a time for abundance and growth. Life feels like it slows down in the summer. Maybe we slow down and enjoy it more. . We connect to our feminine and we shed the layers of protection. We breathe in the sunrise and the outdoor air that fuels our cells. There is a reason the zodiac sign of cancer is so lovable and caring. The energy of the world, during this time of year, is shining its light for everyone to see.

Take inventory at this moment. Honor your feminine. Dive deep into your emotions. Create a ritual that makes you smile. Thank your ancestors for recognizing the sun’s power and hold onto a little piece of that magic to keep you moving forward with abundance and peace this year.

- Amanda (@luxhealingarts ❤️)

We are not meant to always be perfectly balanced. That is not life. Our emotions go up and down. Recognizing our patterns and our bodies need to go through the peaks and valleys is the power.

Yesterday hit HARD. My damn Facebook memories showed me a video that I posted as I was leaving my condo three years ago to move in with Billy. I remember feeling the best I ever have in my life. I was sober, emotionally stronger than I had ever been, and completely in LOVE with all of the opportunities unfolding. Physically I LOVED my body. I was strong and I looked in the mirror and loved the vision I saw.

As all of you know I have been through the ringer the last two and a half years. When I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t even recognize the person. I feel like I have aged 10 years and I have put on 20 lbs. I don’t have that intense passion, drive and security that the woman in those pictures had. My soul is tired.

I immediately started crying and got angry with where I am at today. This wasn’t the plan and trying to get back to that strong, confident woman seems next to impossible. I cried, acted irrational with words (about myself) to Billy and vented to a few close friends. Then the irrationality of the situation kicked in.

This is where the power comes. Honoring that I am sad and I miss that woman. Recognizing that she is still there, she just shows up in different ways. I am still very strong and powerful. I am emotionally and mentally healthier than I HAVE EVER BEEN. I do look older but that is life, and it is okay to be thrown off by it at times. My body may never look like that again, but I am physically healthy, and I take baby steps every day to feeling better and better.

I allowed myself to cry and move through the emotion. For me it comes in stages. I get angry, I cry, my crying shifts from pity me cry to a release cry, once the crying ends, I know it is released. I smile and realize that this is life, and I am damn proud of myself.

We have to feel. We all get triggered. If we stuff our emotions and we don’t validate them, then we create chaos in our bodies. Feel it, integrate it, and evolve from it. Know that you are not alone. We all have days where we are pissed off with where we are at with our journey. Yesterday I was triggered by the past. Today I feel excited and blessed for the future.

- Amanda (@luxhealingarts ❤️)

I had lunch with an old friend yesterday. We hadn’t seen each other in a while, and I was discussing the work I have been doing with Reiki and trapped emotion release. I then mentioned that I work with a lot of clients in recovery and how much I love it. He looked at me and said “wow, what a switch from a few years ago.”

He knew me in my past life, as I like to refer to it. I drank, partied and owned a nightclub. I was literally killing myself and pushing others to believe this false sense of reality around what I built. I peddled this story of you never have to grow up, you can party until you fall down, and you can be successful. It was a lie. It is not possible to poison yourself and show up consistently in life and be happy. I was literally dying in the background, falling apart from anxiety, depression, and not showing up as the mother that my children deserved.

I have told the story before about Billy, my now fiancé, asking me why I would still be party at in my late 30’s with kids at home. It flipped a switch in my brain. I couldn’t answer him. I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t know why. Then when he said he didn’t know if he wanted to introduce a party girl to his teenage boys I was floored. This man in front of me was so loving and caring, we had an amazing time together. I was shocked that he wouldn’t want me around his kids. I was such a loving, caring person, it didn’t make sense to me.

I knew there was so much more to the life I was living. I had lived in the darkness and shadows for so long, I knew there was more out there. I wanted to see what it would be like to remove alcohol from the equation. I didn’t even tell anyone at first, scared I would fail. I still remember how proud I felt when I hit 30 days. After a few months, I realized how much better I felt. My anxiety was gone. I was so much more productive.  I was able to stop doing drugs. At this point in my life, I always felt like shit after doing them, but I could never say no under the influence of alcohol. They went hand in hand with each other.  When I was sober, it was an easy NO.  

I started to process my relationship with alcohol. I was brought up around it. The adults in my family were big drinkers and it was normal for them to start having drinks at 5pm every night. I was allowed to start drinking with the family at 18. I didn’t learn any boundaries around alcohol, and I was the teenager that liked to push boundaries.  I was already drinking heavily as a college freshman. I thought this was normal. Alcohol had been so normalized that I didn’t think anything of it. So, I pushed my boundaries with drugs.

I don’t like thinking about my party years. It creates a very unsettling sick energy in me. I was so close to a darkness that I may have never come back from. I know how lucky I am to have made it to the other side of it. I know how close I was to not make it to this point.

From American Addiction Centers:

“Drug addiction is considered a disease that impacts brain circuitry and behavior, and it is classified by an inability to control drug use. Addictive drugs act on the pleasure center in the brain, causing a shortcut to reward that, when repeated, can change the way a person processes information. Drugs’ addictive qualities may be enhanced by how good they make a person feel when using them and how bad they may make users feel when they wear off. Chronic drug abuse can induce drug dependency, which leads to withdrawal symptoms and drug cravings without the drug’s presence.

Some of the most addictive drugs by definition are cocaine, heroin, alcohol, nicotine and methamphetamine.”

Other statistics that are horrifying:

• An average American see 100,000 beer commercials by the time they are 18.
• Alcohol kills approximately 88,000 Americans a year
• 1 in 7 adults has alcohol use disorder
• 97,000 sexual assault cases among college students involve alcohol
• 3500 Americans under the age 21 die of excessive drinking every year
• There was a 60% increase of drinking during COVID

These are just a few. There are many more including cancer, liver disease, and children living in homes with alcoholic and abusive parents. April is alcohol awareness month. If you have been wanting to take a look at your relationship with alcohol, I empower you to do so. I am available to anyone who needs to chat. There are resources and communities of people that will help you find the information or help you need.

People always tell me how lucky Billy was to have had me by his side to walk him through his cancer battle. I have had multiple people say to me that I saved his life. I want to point out, he saved mine first. I wouldn’t be standing here 3 ½ years sober, doing work I love, if he had never asked why I need to party as a mom.

Spring is here! This is a time of rebirth. Aries is the first sign in the zodiac, so today is the beginning of the astrological new year. The new moon is the beginning of a new lunar cycle.  A time where the moon and sun are aligned and the sky is dark. Energetically this is the time of new beginnings. A time to plant the seeds to manifest what you would like to come in the next month.

As we come into this season of change, take a second to think about how you felt a year ago compared to how you feel today. Take a minute to honor your body and mind’s presence at this moment. We have all grown so much and April’s new moon gives us an opportunity to plant another seed and allow the flower to grow.

It is an important time to connect with what you want to unfold this year. The Aries energy is independent and action-oriented. This fire sign has the energy of courage and acting on its own inspiration.

As I sit with this energy this morning, I am slightly confused by current times, just like I was a year ago. I kept my kids away this week since I heard, I may have had an exposure. I canceled my New moon event tonight out of precaution to be safe.

I actually did not feel well this week and I let my body rest. I haven’t slept that much in years. Last night I fell asleep at 8 pm after I had taken a nap in the afternoon. Maybe that is why the exposure scare came, maybe I needed to stop and do a full reset, mentally, physically and now today emotionally.

I have a repeating story in my adult life that I allow to haunt me. See my choice of words there, I know I allow the pain and chaos. I yet again was in a situation this week, where I was made out by others to be irresponsible in a situation with my kids, and I let my power get taken away. I know in my heart and soul, every choice I make is to do my best and protect my kids. I also realize I allow myself to be mistreated, for the same reasons. I think I am protecting them.

It is absolutely exhausting to always have to fight and to have these constant conversations with my kids defending myself. So that is the energy I am focusing on this New Moon and year on. I don’t need to defend myself. They are old enough to hear my truth. I am going to stand in my power and take another step up the ladder of not allowing myself to be disrespected in order to protect my kids. I won’t let my daughter learn that the behavior is okay, and I won’t let my son start to talk down to me because he is already learning it.

The Aries energy is asking us to be BRAVE. How can you use this energy to your advantage? How can you create your desires by being an independent thinker and doer? The month's manifestations ask you to tap into your solar plexus, your personal power, and use it to your advantage.

My bravery is showing up by recognizing I made the right choice this week. I will always air on the side of caution for the sake of my children. They deserve for me to always protect them when I can. I am also honoring the bravery to cancel my event. Last month’s event sold out. I love the support I get from my community and I know they will be back to support me for next month’s New Moon in May. This means I am finally stepping into the energy of abundance rather than scarcity.

Soak in this energy of bravery, love, and abundance, and take a few minutes today to write down your goals for the next month and for the next year. Take a minute to breathe and honor that fire within you. I see you. I respect you. You are BRAVE.

- Amanda (@luxhealingarts 💕)

I read an alarming fact the other day that said the First Lady does not get paid. I was taken back. That can’t be right! I googled it and immediately learned that this is true. I am sure I learned this growing up and I probably just stored it away in my brain as social conditioning without even realizing it. We as a country expect her to show up. We expect her to aide with things alongside her husband. She gives up four years of her life for the country, but it is titled as a “ceremonial” position. Then why does she have duties? She should be able to do yoga all day and whatever the fuck she pleases with her time. Sorry for the language but this is the top rung of systematic profiling of woman.

As woman we are expected to juggle it all. We live in a world where we are supposed to be the caretakers, head of the household, business owners, look a certain way and still get asked the question “are you making sure you are making time for yourself?” WTF are you actually talking about when you ask me that? How many hours are in your day, because mine has no time left 90% of the time.

I have been the woman that has been told to work for free. “Work for free because it is for a common goal.” I can remember breast feeding my son, being asked to meet a deadline for a flyer that had to get out and not seeing a dime for it. I actually worked at the computer with him on my chest feeding! Staring at a computer screen rather than taking time to enjoy that connection with him. I believed I was busting my ass in the background for that common goal of our family. Then there was another layer. Not only did I have to work for free, but I also had to work regular hours where I did get paid. I needed to work because we needed the extra money.

Talk about low self-esteem. I believed this. I believed I didn’t deserve time off. I believed I had to work harder and more hours. I was a damaged little girl, with no self-esteem, that fell into a cultural trap.

Then a few years later, I found myself crying in a lawyer’s office, with no access to the bank accounts I helped build and no say in the company that I supposedly worked so hard for. To add another dagger in the heart, the business partner that said they were family, called in during the divorce to talk down the price of the business so I wouldn’t get as much money for it. So much for that family and that common goal. I was left feeling like an idiot for allowing work to steal so much of my time from my babies when they were small.

My lawyer told me this was so common, and she sees it all the time with her clients. I have spent years healing, growing and researching trauma. Now I realize that not only did it come from my own trauma and thinking I had to work harder than my partner, I mean why did I deserve to have an easy life? It is also systemic! We literally expect our First Lady to work for free beside her husband!

I read a statistic from 2020 that said, full time working woman do an average of two hours of extra work a day compared to men, just doing housework. “All that housework adds up. Women spend 95 more eight-hour workdays per year on unpaid work, which is the equivalent of $1.48 trillion in the United States.” – Today Show

Ladies I am here to say YOU CANNOT DO IT ALL. Trust me, I tried, and it almost killed me. And I have nothing to show for it. The business I helped build while working for free is still paying bills, but not my bills. The house I paid the mortgage for multiple times, working three jobs to do so, is still there but I do not live in it. I did not need to do the things I did back then, but I felt like I had to. It all comes down to the fact that I did not respect myself.

As I have healed and grown, I have found respect for myself along the way. I now know what I deserve, and I won’t accept anything less. My friend posted something that said being a mom is equivalent to working 2.5 full time jobs. We are strong woman that are made to work and handle what life throws at us. We are not meant to do it all and push ourselves over the limits because we have to. An awakened man steps up and helps. They don’t want the mothers of their children to burn themselves out trying to make all the ends meet. They want to help, and we need to allow them to help. To the men that step up, I see you and it is absolutely beautiful.

Being a strong woman means recognizing when your heart can’t carry the load. Respect yourself first. Don’t let people use you. Family tends to do this without realizing it, so speak up and teach them that they need to help too. Our strength comes from our hearts and each and every one of us deserves to be treated as the beautiful powerhouses we are. Let’s teach our daughters to stand in their power so they don’t ever feel like they “should work for free.”

- Amanda (Lux Healing Arts 💕)

Tonight’s Virgo Full Moon (also known as the Snow Moon) couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I talk a lot about synchronicities with my clients. When the synchronicities show up, you are being supported and you are on the right path. Well, this moon couldn’t have come at a better time for me.

The zodiac of Virgo brings the energy of spiritual and emotional well-being. It wants us to recognize our body and mind’s needs, in a practical methodical way. This full moon is supercharged due to Saturn being square Uranus at the same time. This is going to bring up heightened emotions around relationships and careers. These emotions are going to feel like very deep emotions that create a survival instinct from generations past kick in.

This is the snow moon. Imagine our ancestors surviving during this time of snow with limited resources. We are all in this mind set of enough is enough right now and the energy is boiling over inside of us. This energy of two steps forward on step back, is still going to continue through his year.  How can you focus on the fact that this momentum is still moving you forward?

“With the current celestial line-up, you stand to gain mental and emotional clarity, empowerment, focus and scads of practical backup for your decisions. You may redraw a line or two. You may decide to drop a habit or adopt a new one. 

“And [if you do it well] you'll find a momentary respite from the mad whirl of life. They’ll stabilize your emotions and restore your sanity (or a semblance of it) and send you out back out with a solid, confident core. Think — as the Virgo Moon will so often incline you to do — of the takeaway as your own inner anchor. “ - Kathy Biehl, Empowerment Unlimited

We can all use this energy to think about our goals and the plans we want to create. How can we practically get to where we want to go? How can you organize a little more? What is your self-care plan for this week? Virgo rules our throat chakra. Sing, hum, and use your voice today. Journal and ask your guides to help you let go of some of the energies that are holding you back.

For me this is going to be a giant release of energy. I have been in survival mode for just over two years. Holding my breath, hoping my fiancé will live, our kids will be healthy, and we will be able to pay our bills every month through it all.

Tonight, I will take a few minutes to let it all go. I reached out to a fellow energy worker who I highly respect, Lesha Nelson (if you don’t follow her yet, you should.) I asked her how I could start to reset my body. I felt my body crash after this last surgery. My mind felt calm and not stressed and my body completely shut down. Two days ago, I couldn’t even write an email because I felt so physically tired. I was like my adrenal glands were sounding alarms through my body. She said “you have been to war and your body knows it is over”. This statement was EVERYTHING. I am so happy, confident, and strong mentally. I am connected to my breathe and I am emotionally okay. I need to allow my body to decompress.

Tonight, I give my body permission to let go. It doesn’t have to fight anymore. I will honor my need to integrate this calm into my cells and just go with the flow this week of what feels good to me.

How can you release the overwhelming, mixed up feelings into the universe to start moving forward? Integrate the Virgo power this weekend by cleansing your space, spring clean a closest, and start tracking yourself care routine. What can you let go of to create space for something fresh, new, and exciting?

Tonight, I might be inclined to just stand outside and howl at the moon.

– Amanda (@luxhealingarts ❤️)

I have been exhausted, very melancholy feeling, and then out of nowhere a damn glass table jumped in front of me and knocked me off my feet! Okay, I literally walked right through it and face planted but I still have no idea how it happened. My horoscope warned me the day before that I may get hurt by a sharp object of a car accident. I guess I will take the glass table and the very bruised leg rather than a car accident!

I have worked really hard the six months stay grounded within the chaos and slowing down. Needless to say with all the work I do, I am still a hot mess at times and right now I am blaming the damn planets. Mercury retrograde brings a lot of emotional energy. What is our story? Are we truly in alignment with the journey that our subconscious is here to navigate? We have the power to write our own story and choose our narrative and the New Moon is a perfect time to connect with that.

Finding people, we can confide in to help us make sense of our mixed-up emotions is important during this time. Although it is hard right now, community is a huge part of this cosmic energy as well. How can we connect and work together as a collective? How can you help your neighbor?

This moon has powerful energy of love, good fortune, luck, and money. Not just love in a romantic sense but love for yourself and life in general. @queercosmos said it best “how can I make my friendships more romantic and my romances more friendly?”

Let’s align with the energy of looking forward with new ideas for our hopes and dreams, while focusing on our communication and relationships.

If you would like to join my New Moon online event and soul sessions tonight email me at amanda@crystallinetribe.com or purchase a $10 ticket here: https://www.crystallinetribe.com/collections/new-moon-connect/products/february-new-moon-meditation-soul-sessions-2