I was in a freeze state for about 6 weeks, from the last week of May until the beginning of July.

Freeze state is a trauma response that creates a dynamic where you shut down. Fight or flight kicks in adrenalin while freeze state creates dissociation, numbness, lack of focus, and an inability to take action. The last 5 years I got really good at operating in a fight or flight response. I had to; I had no choice. I had to take care of my husband who was battling cancer, work to support our family and try to keep our home life “as normal as possible” and healthy. (I don’t think it is ever normal for a child to watch a loved one fight for their life and be sick.)

It has been harder than expected as I am slowly coming out of this freeze state. I am tired. I am exhausted and I have a lot of reasons to be.

The back story:

I was working a salary job for a company that I have worked for multiple times over the last 9 years. It was a great opportunity to not have to stress about income, but it meant I had to put my own business on the back burner the last 9 months. I knew it would not be forever, but I had asked that they give me ample notice to switch my schedule, since they knew our family lives paycheck to paycheck.  You see our family got in severe debt due to my husband’s cancer journey and covid shutdown. I am very honest with people about our financial situation, not so that they feel bad, but so they have a deeper understanding and hopefully they can respect me enough to not cause me more harm.

I knew my contract would change. Instead of giving ample time, I was given 4 days’ notice that my contract would not continue the next month. When I vocalized being upset, I was told to keep my personal life and business separate. Unfortunately, when you mess with someone’s finances, you are messing with them personally. Also, when someone is willing to be vulnerable and explain their “why,” that is a superpower. You are working with humans, not robots.

I went into a panic. We were about to leave for our wedding, with all five kids. We cannot afford to not have income for a month and how was I going to work while I was getting married? I spent the next 5 weeks just trying to get paid for the last month of work that was completed. Financial trauma is not for the faint of heart. It is also something that is taboo to talk about it. But why? Not getting paid was one trauma but there were so many other pieces in play here as well.

As a professional employee, I would have given two weeks’ notice. I did not get that, so now I am being treated like someone who is getting fired. Everyone was pointing fingers and placing blame, even some of it on me, as to why they were unable to send me a check. Not kidding, I think I was told it was in the mail ten times. So, a team that I thought of as family became a threat and enemy overnight. That hurts.

I finally got paid and my body immediately felt like I put down a 2,000 lb. weight. Paying rent late and not knowing how you are going to get birthday presents for your daughter’s 13th birthday is debilitating. Just writing this right now, I have tears in my eyes.

Now, I am processing the last few months and I see the freeze. Seeing the disassociation. Seeing myself just being so tired of it all.  Seeing myself not be able to get my feet underneath me to jump into the next thing.

I am tired.

My nervous system is taxed.

People don’t realize everything I go through in short periods of time (honestly, I wouldn’t believe some of it if I wasn’t living it) and that is okay.

I am proud of this girl, and it is okay she is tired.

It is okay I disassociated for a minute.

It is okay I had a breaking point.

My panic was valid.

I didn’t feel safe.

In the last few weeks I started to focus on my business again. Focus on the things that light me up and bring me joy. My abundance will come through living my truth not working a job for people that wouldn’t do for me, what I would do for them. Asking me for a project at 8 pm, when you know I am going out of town the next morning, and then saying that is one of the reasons that they don’t feel bad about not using my services anymore. Mind you every other last-minute project the two months prior was completed in that quick timeline. The only project I said I couldn’t make happen was then used against me.  Those are not the people I want around me.

My friends and family showed up for me during our wedding and financially supported us so that we had an amazing day and vacation with our family. Look for safe people. The ones that show up in your time of need. It isn’t always who you expect but they are the ones that truly want to help and see everything you do.

The old paradigm says to keep personal and business separate and don’t show your emotions. The new paradigm understands that I am a PERSON. I am a woman that has experienced a lot of traumas so if you cause me harm, I am going to be emotional. To knowingly cause someone harm and expect them not to react is an irrational expectation. Don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise.

We all have ebbs and flows in life, it is called being human. Awareness of the spaces we still need to heal and what our body needs is how we overcome anything. Trauma responses are not fun, but if we are willing to feel, learn, and love ourselves through them, we will heal.

I am letting myself rest a little extra this month. I am focusing on the projects that light me up inside. I am going to keep working on healing this financial trauma one step at a time until I reach debt freedom again. In the meantime, I share these stories in hopes that if you feel lost, defeated, or hurt, you know that are not alone. We all need community and support from time and time. We all need to be gentle with ourselves and take the imperfect actions step (even if they are small) to move in the right direction.

- Amanda (Lux Healing Arts)

Last weekend I got the opportunity to join Wild Women Tribe and co-facilitate on their annual Moab camping trip.

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This opportunity is one that was pushing me completely out of my comfort zone. It is always exciting and nerve racking to travel and drop myself into a container of 30 women I don’t know. Add on top of that, that I do not know how to camp, and you have a recipe that sounds off the “what the hell” am I doing alarm in my negative self-talk side of my brain.

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I committed and I was excited to get the opportunity to share the modalities that I love using with my personal clients. When I arrived, the other facilitators were the most welcoming group of women. They immediately made me feel supported, seen, and safe.

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Thank you @wildwomentribe  @yogawithrandijo  @sheridanpaulson @allofnutrition @cdnscribegirl for taking me under your wing and creating such a safe space for me to grow.

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I took away multiple expansive lessons during this experience.

✨ One: I can do hard things. Camping was fun and was not as scary as I thought.

❤️   Two: The word I picked at the beginning of the retreat was strong. I immediately had resistance. I am so sick of being told I am strong and resilient. By the second day of the retreat, I realized how proud I am of my strength. It is okay to be proud of my strength and at the same time, tired of always having to be strong.

✨ Three: I love what I do a for work, and I am continuing to grow and find my perfect path.  When we stay true to our hearts and stay in integrity, all of the pieces fall into place. Sometimes they just have to fall apart first in order for that to happen. 

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If you have never attended a retreat, I highly suggest looking into one. Every time I come back with a deeper awareness and understanding of my heart’s journey on this plane.  

- Amanda ( @luxhealingarts )

Happy Spring Equinox and Astrological New Year! This is the time of new beginnings and rebirth. In astrology, this is the new year and the energy we need to plant the seeds of change. There is a reason why energetically January 1^st doesn’t work for most people. Lean into this energy now with those changes and you may feel more aligned and in harmony.

The Spring Equinox is a time of balance and renewal. In the Northern Hemisphere the sun and moon share equal time during the day creating balance with light and dark. Spring Equinox marks the end of winter, the beginning of the new astrological calendar, and Aries Season. This is a time of re-birth. A time to plant the seeds that we want to nourish and grow.

Spring Equinox reminds us that perfect balance only exists a minimal amount of time. There are only two days a year where light and dark are in equal balance. Let that sync in. What are we doing to ourselves, when we say, “we need to find balance” or “we are looking for balance”? We trying to align with a moving target and unattainable goal. There is very minimal balance in the world. As soon as you find it, something knocks it off. I prefer to find flow in what is. Kyrie Blaney posted a post the other day, asking Harmony vs. Balance, which word do you prefer? Harmony’s definition is the quality of forming a pleasing and consistent whole. That “whole” may be made up of different pieces at different times depending on the situation. The energy of harmony and flow, feel like this beautiful dance into the acceptance of whatever comes at us.

Spring Equinox takes places when the sun is in Gate 25, the gate of spirit, or in traditional human design, the gate of innocence. The essence of this energy is universal love. “Innocence is our natural state, unattached to consequence…..It is inherent trust, honesty, and sincerity.” - Chetan Parkyn

I want you to contemplate these questions:

Do I trust source?

Do I know my life’s purpose?

What practice will connect me deeper with source and this feeling of universal love?

Our purpose starts to unfold when we embody exactly who we are and love ourselves. Universal love comes from the understanding that all things are connected and that when we love, there is unconditional acceptance and abundance in return.  All our perfect imperfections that make us unique, when we embrace them, allow us to follow our hearts and find our true purpose.

What seeds can you begin to plant to align with her inner heart’s desires? What do you want to nourish and watch grow?

As we step into Aries season, the energy is adventurous, optimistic, and energetic. We slowed down during the winter, nourished, and healed. Now is the time to re-align with our hearts and step into the growth and possibilities that our soul desires.

- Amanda ( ✨ @luxhealingarts )

Five years ago, yesterday. Five years ago, the night that changed my family’s life forever happened. I was sitting in an ER room frozen. I had just been told that my Fiancé had cancer and he had to have an emergency surgery the next day. The stories of this journey are weaved into the fabric of my life, and they have created the woman I am today. Cancer is what pushed me here.  I share so much of this journey to help others heal from their own battles. As I sit here (on national DJ Day) in awe of everything I have overcome, I realize I have never shared how cancer almost made me believe I was done with djing forever. 

Sometimes I am hit with a tidal wave of realization of everything I have pushed through. When I look at my Sundance gigs for this coming week, I see a woman who did not get defeated but instead followed her heart. 

In 2019, I had to cancel my high-profile Sundance gigs with Lisa Barlow and The Bella Twins Birdie activation. Billy had to go in for a second surgery only days after his first and it was extremely dangerous. My fiancé was suddenly unexpectedly fighting for his life, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to leave the hospital to work. Thank God I did cancel because Billy ended be in a position where he was fighting for his life, the night I was supposed to play. When I called my booking agent to inform him of my situation, his first words were “you are going to lose your client.” I was facing losing my Fiancé, losing a client was not even a thought that had crossed my mind. 

Imagine hearing that when you haven’t slept for days, and you are horrified by what your loved one is facing? When I heard his remarks, I completely lost it on the phone, yelling in the hospital hallway. The nurses immediately ran over to calm me down. Up until that point, I had remained calm, and they were very surprised to see me so upset. Over the next 45 days, there were 35 spent in the hospital, two ER visits and a phone call to 911. I still managed to travel to my DJ gigs in Washington that were previously booked, although I almost had to cancel one due to Billy being back in the ER. It was such an exhausting and overwhelming time for me. I am not sure if I really slept for months. 

That argument in the hospital, came back around about 6 weeks later.  I got a call from his business partner saying I needed to apologize for yelling at him on the phone that day. That day he thought the bigger loss was my Sundance client over my loved one’s life. I said I absolute would NOT apologize. He said if I wouldn’t apologize, I was going to be dropped from the roster. The night I was supposed to DJ, I was praying while two nurses stood by Billy’s bedside giving him blood transfusions because he was internally bleeding, and another surgery was deemed too risky. I was walked through a Code Blue and the last resort effort that would be made to save him if the bleeding got worse. They wanted me to apologize for losing my temper. I will never apologize to anyone that thinks money is more important than a human life. 

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The next blow came in 2020. Billy had a surgery that was supposed to be routine and ended up being a major surgery. I had two gigs in California booked a week later. He seemed okay so I went to my gigs and his boys stayed with him. At 8pm before my gig, I get a call that he is headed to the ER. I had his surgeon’s cell number, and he lets me know that he will call me as soon as he knows what is going on. He calls about an hour later and lets me know that Billy had a blood clot and that if it would have been a millimeter bigger, he would have died instantly. He put him on medicine, and he would call me at 6am to keep me updated if the medicine was working. I was in another state, I couldn’t get home, (I tried), so I Dj’d. I danced and tried to lose myself in the music praying I didn’t get another call. 

By the time the shutdown happened, I was so exhausted and overwhelmed. Billy was still dealing with surgeries, and I had just lost my residencies and all of my local DJ gigs. I decided an era was over and I wanted nothing to do with the industry at all. It was an industry that was filled with drugs, alcohol, and people that that didn’t care about your well-being as much as they did the money. I had just turned 40 and all I wanted to do was focus on my health and my family.

Now that I can look at things with a different perspective, I can now see the above statement isn’t completely true. There are some very amazing kind people in this industry. My local residencies supported me and helped me with what I needed during the chaos. Without the team at The Cardiff in California, I would not have made it through the night Billy cheated death the second time. I needed to step away and step into who I am now and what DJing means to me in this moment before I could see the beauty in it again. 

At the time, I decided to step fully into my Reiki and Coaching practice and switched my Instagram profile from @missdjlux to @luxhealingarts. I remember being so scared to do this! It was like I was deleting everything that I had worked so hard to create. At the time I thought I needed to completely shed that identity. I looked at it as a death instead of realizing I could be Lux Healing Arts and Miss DJ Lux at the same time. 

As djing started to come back, I also navigated my way back. I realized I loved it. I found the pieces that were healthy and realized I get to choose who I work for and where I work. When Billy was fighting for his life, music was my escape. I got to leave the chaos for a few hours and DJ. I feel so much love every time I DJ and there is no feeling that I have found that replaces it.

Now I get to do what I love on my terms for venues and clients that care about me. I love what I do, and I am so excited to keep getting to do it. Last year during a Sundance, I made a post about being “back”. This year, I feel like I really am, and I am evolving into the woman I want to be more than anything. I show up into everything I do with integrity and love. I know I am going to continue to DJ as long as it keeps fueling my heart and my soul. 

Cancer steals so many things, from not only the patient but also every member of the family that is living the experience with them. The fight is hard and long but healing from the chaos and stepping into whatever new path is before you are worth it. Billy beat stage 4 colon cancer. We are blessed. ✨ 

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2024, Let’s GO! 🔥 - Amanda @luxhealingarts

The sun just moved from Gate 58 to Gate 38 today. Gate 58 left me full of adrenaline energy. I felt like a spinning top this last week with so much to do but no plan on how to do it. My mind knew it didn’t need to be done in the moment, but my body was buzzing with chaos telling me something different. The adrenalin pressure was a lot! I thought part of it was due to my busy work load this weekend, but today I am only halfway through my six DJ shifts for the weekend, and I do not feel overwhelmed at all. Thanks sun energy for the extra jolt of pressure last week!

This is why I LOVE following the energy. I didn’t try to change what I was feeling last week, I just used my tools and reminded myself it would pass. I didn’t double down on the chaos which leads to a never-ending road to anxiety and overwhelm. I just accepted the way I was feeling and took it moment by moment.  I even got in a 30-minute manifestation meditation yesterday! It was not perfect, and I was completely in monkey mind during parts of it, but that is okay. The benefits of an imperfect practice are still leading you down a healthier path than no practice at all.

Today the sun switched to Gate 38, The Gate of the Fighter. I woke up feeling less pressure and I am leaning into the feeling of accomplishment. This Gate is still in the Root center, but I feel an excitement in my body about the energy. I only have one subconscious gate in my root, so I feel the energy of this pressure center more than most of my centers.

Gate 38 knows what’s worth fighting for. The energy of Gate 38 is to take the struggles and lessons we have learned in life and use them to create a vision of expansion to step into our soul’s aligned path. The shadow of this energy is to lose sight of what to fight for or engage in unnecessary fights for the sake of fighting.

As we close the chapter on 2023, look back at the year and see where your struggle lead you down a path to your higher purpose. What can you thank yourself for? Where can you look at a situation through a different lens?

Are you standing in your full integrity and honor? Your soul wants you to be open to whatever expansion is coming for you in 2024. You are here to receive everything that you ever wanted. Are you ready to receive it? The very first step is to  be aware and honest about where you are at in your journey.

Follow the energy of the universe in my monthly You are the Stars membership group! 

- Amanda ( @luxhealingarts )

Four years of probably my most proud parental moment and family tradition. Yes, this picture is our actual tree. Balls were thrown at it like baseballs, garlands thrown from all places, nothing matching, nothing making sense. It is the Hill/Murphy household's Messy Christmas tree.

How did this come about you ask? In 2020, my daughter came to me with a situation that had caused her an enormous amount of distress. As a parent, you immediately want to “fix” the situation and take away the tears. When the situation takes place outside of your household, there is no way to fix it. Just like most lessons in life, all we can do is hold space for all the emotions and try to shift them.

I asked my daughter what she needed, and her response was, “I want a messy Christmas tree! Nothing can be perfect.” So, I listened, although hard at first in this idealistic world of perfectionism, I honestly did not love my tree that year. To be honest, this may be the first year, that I stare at my tree in awe of what it truly represents.

You see the lesson was in something needing to be perfect and the situation told my daughter she was not that. Now we have a simple family tradition that shows nothing is perfect and perfect does not make anything better. Our Christmas is not any less than because we have a messy tree.

This summer my daughter shared the story of our messy Christmas tree with a family member while we were on vacation. Listening to her version of it and the laughs that followed when she said we throw everything at it was exactly what PERFECT represents to me. My heart feels so full just revisiting this memory.

Perfect is an unattainable goal. There will always be someone who sees things through a different lens than you do and who tells you your version is wrong. My hope is that my kids know that I never expect them to be perfect and I will never choose something “looking perfect” over their feelings and needs.

This mama is damn proud of herself every time she looks at her messy Christmas tree.

- Amanda ( @luxhealingarts ✨)

Gate 1: Purpose

I am WHO I am.

I have wanted to write about Gate 1 all week. I wanted to share my thoughts with my members in You are the Stars and in my business container because this energy is all about our purpose. This is a deeply creative energy that lives in the now. How would you answer “I am _______ “?

I have been so wrapped up in the emotions of my heart and navigating my drive and purpose this week, that finding the words has been next to impossible! For my defined throat and gate of the storyteller, this is an unusual feeling for me. Unusual but also makes so much sense considering how personal this energy is and where I am at in my own human journey. Walking the path of healing and growing while sharing with the collective can be a very humbling experience.

I don’t feel anxiety or overwhelm, it is more of a need. A need to do more. A need to bring some off my larger ideas to life. We are here to be the star of our own show. We are here to let our creativity soar and take the ride that empowers us and lights us up. All the while staying tethered to our heart and our soul’s purpose. We can never lose sight of our why.

Being in integrity and authentic are not only important to me but they are the fuel that sustains me. Without that my creativity, my offers, what I am bringing into this world means nothing. Sometimes, I must check myself. Why am I doing this? Why is this important to me? Why am I being driven to create this?

As a Manifestor, I am here to create new paths that others have not traveled yet. This can be exciting and alarming all rolled into one. Sometimes my ideas seem too big. Too out there. Now that I understand my urges, I understand that this is my bodies hell yes. My big energy is always going to cause people to try to limit me, but I am limitless.

This is a time to embrace my inner unicorn and let myself dream all the creative ideas and know that my voice is still learning and growing with each day. I used to say Amanda Land is a fun place to visit, and now I know it is. Want to join me on the ride? Let’s inspire each other and empower each other to dream big and trust where the universe takes us!

“Creativity is a heart driven superpower that pushes me to be more. It’s an energy of love through expression. Art, music and dance are all fuel that feeds my soul.” 

- Amanda ( @luxhealingarts ) 

Last week marked a pivotal chapter in my personal growth journey, and let me tell you, it was a rollercoaster ride through my nervous system. I had the honor of being a speaker at the Professional Women’s Networking Event in the charming town of Rock Springs, Wyoming. To say I was nervous is an understatement, but the thrill of the challenge was undeniable. You see, I've spent my entire adult life as an entrepreneur, juggling multiple businesses, and I've reached a point where I want to be a guiding light for others, helping them find success, health, and the realization of their dreams. It was a dream come true to be in a room filled with powerful and inspiring WOMEN.
 
Most of my career was spent in a world that is male-driven. There are not a lot of female DJs, and the nightclub world is male-dominated. My passion for empowering women in business and sharing the lessons I'd learned along the way has been brewing inside me like a storm. The day of my speech, the butterflies in my stomach went into overdrive. I knew the jitters were part of the package, but that didn't make them any less real. I turned to my breathing exercises to calm my nerves and ensure my energy was in check. After all, who wants to be a bundle of nerves in front of a room filled with amazing women?
 
The speaker preceding me was someone I deeply respected, and we shared similar philosophies. I had my speech all figured out before the event, but as she began, I noticed some overlap in our content. My anxiety level skyrocketed. What if my message gets lost in the mix? What if I don't connect with the audience? What if I fail at speaking my truth in a way that resonates with these women?
 
Summoning every ounce of courage, I stepped onto the stage. My voice quivered, and my hands were shaking as I began to speak. I am suddenly having flashbacks to the 14-year-old me that had my first solo in a high school concert and I choked due to nerves. Isn’t our body's cellular memory fascinating??? At this point, I deviated from my prepared speech. With a shaky voice, I turned to the crowd and said, "Sorry, folks, I need your help for a moment." I placed my hand on my heart and started to breathe deeply. I explained to the audience that our nervous system doesn't always distinguish between excitement and fear. If we don't take a moment to breathe and calm down, our bodies can release cortisol, which only adds to the anxiety.
 
As I led the crowd through this impromptu session of box breathing and offered gentle explanations, I was inadvertently soothing my own nervous system. It was like watching a storm cloud dissipate and reveal the sun. Once I felt ready, I continued with my speech.
 
After my talk, I stepped off the stage and confided in a friend, "I hope that went okay. I had to calm myself down up there." Her response was, "You were great, and you have no idea what you just did up there."
 
She was right; I was oblivious to the magic that had just happened at that moment. I gave every woman in that room the permission to be human.  The compliments and gratitude I received for my willingness to be vulnerable and demonstrate how I conquered fear were heartwarming. I had unintentionally become a living, breathing example of what I teach my clients. That's what authenticity looks like; I was just being me.
 
My speech centered on the idea of connecting with your heart center, no matter your line of business. Are you living your truth and infusing your heart's desires into your work? If not, how can you integrate elements of yourself into your business to create your magnetism that people can feel? My truth and vulnerability were my secret weapons, and they can be yours too if you dare to lean into your heart center and embrace your truth. People don't want a cookie-cutter version of you; they want the authentic, unfiltered, and inspiring you that lies behind closed doors.
 
So, let my journey be a testament to the fact that sometimes our fears and vulnerabilities are our greatest superpowers. Take a deep breath, step into the spotlight, and let your authenticity shine like a beacon. After all, it's the quirky, unique, and perfectly imperfect you that the world is waiting to embrace.

Amanda - @luxhealingarts

Happy New Moon in Virgo!  Do a little happy dance, Mercury also stations direct today! Communication can resume with its regularly scheduled programming. All jokes aside, you will most likely feel less emotional trying to have those intense conversations and there won’t seem to be so much confusion around what people are trying to express.

The New Moon is our time to reevaluate intentions and spend some time setting new ones. It is a new energy cycle that allows us to stop, check in and ask ourselves what we need. The New Moon is the energy of new beginnings. This New Moon brings a unique blend of cosmic energies that encourage us to focus on self-improvement, precision, and the details of our lives. This Virgo New Moon also aligns with Gate 47 in Human Design.

The New Moon in Virgo, an earth sign ruled by Mercury, the energy will be highly analytical, practical, and detail oriented. Virgo is often associated with self-improvement and self-care. This New Moon encourages us to take a closer look at our habits, routines, and health practices. It's an ideal time to set intentions for bettering ourselves, whether through physical fitness, mental clarity, or emotional healing. Do you even know where your values here lie? How can we start when we don’t take a second to look at what is truly important to our hearts. Virgo's analytical nature also aids in setting achievable goals. Take this time to outline your objectives with clarity and precision. Break them down into manageable steps for a more successful journey.

Virgo's influence compels us to pay attention to the finer points of our lives. This includes decluttering, organizing, and fine-tuning various aspects of our existence. Use this New Moon energy to clean up both your physical and mental spaces.

Virgo’s love to be of service. During this New Moon, consider how you can contribute to your community or help others in meaningful ways. You may feel a pull to show acts of kindness or support those around you, a little more during this time.

The new moon aligns with Gate 47, in Human Design, known as the "Realization" gate, and it carries powerful insights. You may have profound clarity or sudden realizations around situations. You may suddenly see your life’s purpose, understand your relationships on a deeper level or be able to look at your personal growth journey through new eyes.

This gate emphasizes the transformative power of knowledge and understanding. It's a reminder that as you gain awareness and insight, you have the potential to evolve and grow on a deep level. Just as Virgo encourages service, Gate 47 prompts us to share the wisdom we gain with others. Consider how you can pass on these lessons and new understandings to benefit those around you?

Gate 47 also reminds us that true understanding often requires patience and the right timing. Don't rush the process; allow insights to unfold naturally. Combining the energies of the New Moon in Virgo and Gate 47 in Human Design creates a potent blend of self-improvement, precision, epiphany, and transformation. This New Moon invites you to embrace the details of your life, seek understanding, and use that knowledge to elevate yourself and those around you.

As you set your intentions tonight, consider how you can align your actions with the practicality of Virgo and the transformative wisdom of Gate 47. Whether you're embarking on a journey of self-discovery or looking to refine your daily routines, this New Moon offers the energy for growth, expansion, and evolution.

On my way to set mine, my Manifestor surge is on fire right now. 

Amanda ( @luxhealingarts 💕)

To say this Pisces full moon has affected me is an understatement. I knew it was coming. I know I have a deep sensitivity to the moon cycles, and I can work with them rather, then against them. I knew the sun was shifting to gate 40 and the moon was shifting to gate 37. With all this knowledge and gentleness, I was prepared to give myself, it hit me with an intensity that I was not ready for.

Here I am awake at 4am processing the day before and unable to sleep as the energy of the moon, beams through my window, so bright that it looks like there are lights on outside of my house.  Yes, I love keeping my curtains open to look outside at night. As a Human Design Manifestor, I have a deep sensitivity to the cycles of the moon. The truth of the matter is, we actually all do if we choose to pay attention.

I was on edge yesterday, feeling off all day. Then it happened. I was triggered. I felt alone and like my family does not see what I do for them. There it was…the shadow I had just told my student’s the previous evening to look out for! Bring on the waterworks! The moon is in Gate 37 which creates an emotional channel that I do not usually have access to. The feeling was overwhelming, until I settled into it.

In the Human Design system, each gate is associated with an I Ching hexagram. The I Ching is the ancient Chinese astrology system that has been around for thousands of years. When planets like the Sun and Moon transit through these gates, they infuse their energies into our lives and the world around us.

The Sun in Gate 40: The Aloneness Gate

Gate 40, also known as the "Aloneness" gate, is associated with the energy of isolation, individuality, and the potential for profound insights. This gate can trigger feelings of solitude, but it also holds the key to tapping into one's unique perspective. With the Sun's recent placement in Gate 40, there is a heightened focus on self-discovery and embracing the wisdom that comes from spending time alone. This period encourages us to introspect, detach from external influences, and find our own truths.

The Moon in Gate 37: The Family Gate

Gate 37, the "Family" gate, embodies themes of community, relationships, and interconnectedness. This gate highlights the importance of finding our place within various groups, whether it's our biological family, social circles, or broader communities. With the Moon currently in Gate 37, there's an emphasis on nurturing our relationships and understanding how our personal connections contribute to the larger tapestry of human interaction. This phase prompts us to explore our role within our chosen families and how we can positively impact those around us.

I suddenly was interwoven into the shadow of both gates. Feeling isolated and alone, trying to make sense of my emotional response to a situation, I normally navigate fine. Crying is healthy. Even when we may not understand, the “why” of our emotions, if we can just feel into the emotion, we can move the energy. Cried, moved on, and communicated my needs.

I went to bed fairly early, only to not really sleep and but then to be buzzing awake at 4am with energy coursing through me. No need to cry but I need to move the energy. My mind writes.

 We are a force that can wake dormant souls, shining light on their hidden roles.

 Embrace your fire. It is here to inspire beyond your walls an unknown path, opening in the fall.

 For you are the spark that breaks the night, Guiding all towards their inner light.

This is your reminder to gentle if tense energy comes up today. Take some time to be creative Pisces are very sensitive, compassionate, and creative beings. Let yourself ride in the wave of energy and see where the universe takes you.

- Amanda (@luxhealingarts)