Four years of probably my most proud parental moment and family tradition. Yes, this picture is our actual tree. Balls were thrown at it like baseballs, garlands thrown from all places, nothing matching, nothing making sense. It is the Hill/Murphy household's Messy Christmas tree.

How did this come about you ask? In 2020, my daughter came to me with a situation that had caused her an enormous amount of distress. As a parent, you immediately want to “fix” the situation and take away the tears. When the situation takes place outside of your household, there is no way to fix it. Just like most lessons in life, all we can do is hold space for all the emotions and try to shift them.

I asked my daughter what she needed, and her response was, “I want a messy Christmas tree! Nothing can be perfect.” So, I listened, although hard at first in this idealistic world of perfectionism, I honestly did not love my tree that year. To be honest, this may be the first year, that I stare at my tree in awe of what it truly represents.

You see the lesson was in something needing to be perfect and the situation told my daughter she was not that. Now we have a simple family tradition that shows nothing is perfect and perfect does not make anything better. Our Christmas is not any less than because we have a messy tree.

This summer my daughter shared the story of our messy Christmas tree with a family member while we were on vacation. Listening to her version of it and the laughs that followed when she said we throw everything at it was exactly what PERFECT represents to me. My heart feels so full just revisiting this memory.

Perfect is an unattainable goal. There will always be someone who sees things through a different lens than you do and who tells you your version is wrong. My hope is that my kids know that I never expect them to be perfect and I will never choose something “looking perfect” over their feelings and needs.

This mama is damn proud of herself every time she looks at her messy Christmas tree.

- Amanda ( @luxhealingarts ✨)

We continued the tradition of the messy Christmas Tree in our household again this year. This is the third year we have done this, and it has become a tradition that will continue every year in some capacity. The reason for the messy tree was to rectify a situation that my daughter was having a hard time with. I asked her what she needed to work through the emotions and her response was “I want a messy tree! Nothing can be perfect”. So, the Messy Christmas Tree in the Hill/Murphy household was born.

We throw the garland, the ornaments and anything we can get to stick at it. All the while laughing, giggling and mommy praying nothing shatters with the full pitch style throws at the tree. This is a memory my children are going to remember their entire lives and the best part of it for mommy is the lesson it carries.

There is no perfectionism. Perfect does not exist.

I share this with you today so you can remind yourself that your kids don’t want perfect. They don’t even know what “perfect” is. That is a fake goal that we teach them is possible through our actions and words. Guess what happens when you reach your so called “perfect” goal? The goal line moves and perfect always ends up being an unattainable goal, down a road that never ends.

Your kids want you. They want your messy. They want your smile and your love. Take a moment today to look in the mirror and say, “I am perfectly, imperfect and my love is always enough.” Christmas is not about the things; it is about the energy. It can be easy to get wrapped up in the commercialism of it all, but our kids just want our time and to feel like they are seen.

I hope everyone can pause and connect with their heart this holiday season. Sending love and heart felt energy to anyone who feels, overwhelmed, sad or not enough this year. You are always enough.

 - Amanda ( @luxhealingarts)