Four years of probably my most proud parental moment and family tradition. Yes, this picture is our actual tree. Balls were thrown at it like baseballs, garlands thrown from all places, nothing matching, nothing making sense. It is the Hill/Murphy household's Messy Christmas tree.

How did this come about you ask? In 2020, my daughter came to me with a situation that had caused her an enormous amount of distress. As a parent, you immediately want to “fix” the situation and take away the tears. When the situation takes place outside of your household, there is no way to fix it. Just like most lessons in life, all we can do is hold space for all the emotions and try to shift them.

I asked my daughter what she needed, and her response was, “I want a messy Christmas tree! Nothing can be perfect.” So, I listened, although hard at first in this idealistic world of perfectionism, I honestly did not love my tree that year. To be honest, this may be the first year, that I stare at my tree in awe of what it truly represents.

You see the lesson was in something needing to be perfect and the situation told my daughter she was not that. Now we have a simple family tradition that shows nothing is perfect and perfect does not make anything better. Our Christmas is not any less than because we have a messy tree.

This summer my daughter shared the story of our messy Christmas tree with a family member while we were on vacation. Listening to her version of it and the laughs that followed when she said we throw everything at it was exactly what PERFECT represents to me. My heart feels so full just revisiting this memory.

Perfect is an unattainable goal. There will always be someone who sees things through a different lens than you do and who tells you your version is wrong. My hope is that my kids know that I never expect them to be perfect and I will never choose something “looking perfect” over their feelings and needs.

This mama is damn proud of herself every time she looks at her messy Christmas tree.

- Amanda ( @luxhealingarts ✨)

I Wish They Meditated More.

This photo was a rare moment in time when my children wanted to meditate and learn the things Mommy was doing. Sometimes I look back on the last few years and I feel like I dropped the ball for them. I couldn’t be everything to everyone, and the roles of caretaker and provider were non-optional. Life as a parent is a complete juggling act with moments of just praying you didn’t completely mess them up. One of the areas that weighs on my mind the most is meditation—a practice that has brought me immense peace and healing. However, I couldn't find the energy to actively cultivate their interest, and forcing them to meditate seemed counterproductive. As they get older, I am starting to realize the profound impact of leading by example and the impact our actions as parents have on their development.

The weight of parental expectations can fill us with self-doubt. The self-doubt comes from a space of love and wanting the best for our children, but it does not serve our own hearts. Would I have loved to do more to instill in them the love for meditation that had been so transformative in my own life? Yes, but deep down, I knew that I couldn't force my children to embrace something they weren't ready for. It would be counterproductive for their development and our relationship.

Everyone Finds Their Path in Their Own Time.

As the saying goes, "Everyone comes to meditation and learning about what calms them down in their own time." I know that their journey is their own, and they will discover the benefits of meditation when they were ready. Rather than focusing on my negative thoughts of non-existent shortcomings, I am shifing my perspective and beginning to appreciate the subtle ways in which they are showing me they have learned through observation.

Children are incredibly perceptive, often absorbing information and experiences through observation. I started noticing the words my children chose, and I was amazed at the knowledge they had absorbed simply by listening. I know they are sponges, but I it was like I thought they tuned out when I was discussing work, or anything to do with calming the nervous system. Realizing how much they were absorbing made me giggle. I tell clients all the time that things happen when they are meant to happen but here, I was thinking I can control the outcome. They are on their own path of self-discovery, and it isn’t meant to align with my expectations.

Leading by Example.

Our actions as parents hold tremendous influence over our children's lives. They see us in our daily routines, utilizing the tools we've learned to navigate life's challenges. Whether it's meditation, mindfulness, or any other practice that promotes well-being, our children are silently observing and learning. Instead of coercing them to embrace these practices, we can engage in open discussions, sharing the tools that have helped us, and allowing them to explore them in their own time.

Want to know the real-life hack? The best thing we can do as parents is to heal ourselves. When we embark on our own journey of self-improvement and self-care, we become beacons of inspiration for our children. As we cultivate our own well-being, we indirectly influence theirs, setting them on a path of self-discovery and personal growth. By prioritizing our own healing, we create a ripple effect that extends far beyond ourselves, positively impacting the lives of our children.

Parenting is a constant learning experience, filled with moments of self-doubt and reflection. Yet, through it all, we must remember that our actions speak louder than words. While we may feel compelled to guide and mold our children's interests, it is crucial to trust in their own journey. By leading through example, we provide them with a blueprint for personal growth and self-discovery. So, let us embrace the power of healing ourselves, knowing that our children are watching, learning, and finding their own path in their own time.

- Amanda -  @luxhealingarts