Sunday Rant. My diary of emotions.
I am so tired this morning. When I look at my schedule for the next 5 weeks, I almost want to crumble under the pressure. Can I do it all? Can I show up for myself and everyone around me? Am I letting my kids down?
These emotions are old patterns I am stepping into. Old patterns of believing I am not enough and I have to do more to prove that I am. Old patterns that I don’t deserve to have an easy life. This situation is different. Yes, I am exhausted. Yes, I am tired of working as much as I do. But this time I am not doing all these things because I don’t feel worthy enough. This time I am not belittling myself by not using my voice and expressing how I really feel. This time I am doing these things to survive. I am showing up for my family to give all of us what we need. I am proud of myself for this.
This doesn’t mean there won’t be tears. This doesn’t mean I won’t be exhausted. This just means it is time to put on my Super Woman bubble and take every day one day at a time. If I look at my calendar for the next 5 weeks this is what I see:
10 DJ gigs - 2 in Cali
2 Farmers Markets for Crystalline Tribe
1 Special Event with Crystalline Tribe
2 Chemo appointments
15 days of Soccer Schedules
Full-time job with Reflective Media. Design Projects. Photography Projects…. The list continues.
If I look at my calendar today. I see a small amount of work that needs to be completed. Getting my house in order and spending time with my kids. Today I can conquer. Tomorrow I will do the same. Every day is a new day.
If I switch my perspective, I can see how lucky I am. There are people out there that would love just a portion of the work I have. I mean how lucky am I??? I have three successful businesses including one that is blossoming into what I dream of on a daily basis! I have so much gratitude for this, I just allow myself to get wrapped up in a different perspective sometimes. I am human!
We can’t all be happy all the time. That isn’t reality. When my perspective switches to the negative, it shows me I need to release. Cry, talk, reach out to my support system. As I drove home last night, I broke down crying, my best friend on the other line to listen. This is currently my version of self-love. Allowing my self to release. Realizing I need to release.
This morning the kids woke up early. I came downstairs and my son said: “Mommy go back to bed”. My heart melted. He knows I worked late last night and he knows I need more sleep. My family supports me and loves me. I am strong. I can do this. We will make it to the other side of this.
Give love. Two Deep Breaths. Stay Calm.
Super Woman bubble on. - Amanda (@missdjlux) ❤️