A few weeks ago, an old friend I hadn’t seen in years told me excitedly that he reads all of my blog posts and loves them. He followed that by asking why I never talk about my kids. I guess I didn’t realize this until he pointed it out. This brought me to question myself as to why I haven’t written much about them.

I am a mom to a 9-year-old little boy and a 7-year-old little girl. When I grew up, I never really wanted to have kids. I was fearful I wouldn’t be able to be the type of Mother I should be. They are hands down THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. I cannot imagine my world without them, and they truly saved my life.

That being said this is the hardest thing I have ever done. Add in a crazy divorce, that still impacts them daily and you can begin to go down the “I am the worst human on the planet” rabbit hole really easy. This is why I don’t I talk about them much. There are still some many things pertaining to them that I don’t agree with. Rules and choices that were made during this divorce process that I still don’t understand and never will. Some things so upsetting that I spent thousands of dollars to go back to court just this last summer.

I could just write about the good days. I could write about the chaotic days of trying to juggle work, school runs and activities that leave you feeling like a dog chasing his own tail for 12 hours in a circle and getting nowhere. (I bet all the parents reading this are laughing right now because you totally understand what I mean!)

When I right my blogs, the words just flow from me with not much thought. When I think about what I honestly want to write about when it pertains to my kids, it isn’t time yet. I haven’t healed yet and I am still dealing with decisions I don’t understand regularly. The honesty of my blogs is what people relate too and I need to respect my children and their space as we grow and learn from these life lessons.

I can say I love my conversations with my littles. They teach me so much every day. I love they still want to cuddle with me every night and I pray that lasts forever. The chaos that comes with kids is never-ending. It’s like someone is throwing fastballs at you continually throughout the day and you just have to stop everything you are doing and catch them. (That analogy will defiantly resonate with the single working moms out there.) I am sure I will think of more posts that I do want to write when it comes to them, but this is a brief explanation of why I haven’t yet.

Who knows, maybe this brief blog was a part of the healing I needed to open the door to move forward. Maybe you will get to hear more about my adventures of a basically single mom (my boyfriend works 50+ hours a week, and of his 8 days of the month we only have the kids on 2 of the 8) ….. Let me start that sentence again. More stories to come of the basically single mom who owns and runs two companies and the third company is a DJ career that still has her traveling out of state at least once a month to play shows.

- Amanda (@missdjlux ❤️)

So when I decided to launch this online business, I decided it was a reasonable idea because I could do all of the website, design, and marketing on my own. I mean that is a huge expense normally for a startup like this. We would get that for free! That being said I am doing all the website, design and marketing on my own! What I wasn’t planning on are all the details that take so much time while trying to juggle two other businesses and children's schedules. I mean I have to be a super mom, there is no room for error when it comes to that! (lol, the lies we tell ourselves.)

From flyer designs, product photos, planning out the marketing and the complete website design, I have missed A LOT. I have not gotten all of the products and information listed that I wanted to. We still have not listed so many great products and resources that we have. I have not gotten the marketing perfect during the busiest time of year for online shopping sales. I have had to come to terms with the fact that is impossible to run three businesses on my own and have everything be perfect.

I do know that I have a responsibility to my clients to make sure their work is done correctly and in a proper time frame. I also have a responsibility to myself to not kill myself. This is the first weekend in months that I have not set my alarm for 5 am to wake up and do work before the kids wake up. I slept in, my only alarm being the kids. I feel amazing today as I write this.

Did I have work I could have gotten up and done? YES. But it will get done when it gets done. Today is my self-care day. Just doing what I can and not stressing that everything isn’t perfect. I truly believe in this business and the amazing doors we are opening that will eventually help so many people. The support we have gotten so far in our first month has been unbelievable.

Crystalline Tribe will grow dynamically and exactly the way it is supposed to. The future has never looked so bright.  I hope everyone stops and acknowledges themselves today. Realize that you are exactly where you need to be. If life feels chaotic, stop and take two deep breaths. Your plan will work out exactly the way it is meant to. Don't force it. Just believe in it.

Empowering a tribe. Changing perspectives. Creating Magic. 

- Amanda (@missdjlux)

So I decided to do this thing about a month ago and get “CALM” tattooed on my knuckles. I originally was going to do “STAY CALM” on both hands but I don’t know if I am that badass to have all my knuckles tattooed.

I did like the multiple meanings of Stay and the idea of having that on my body. Fuck there have been a few periods of my life where I had to convince myself it was worth it to stay. Life felt so hard at times that escaping with drugs was all I could do to handle the pain. I don’t know where I would be today if I hadn’t met my ex-husband at the age of 20. I tell people all the time he saved my life. And I know he did. (That story will have to wait for another blog post.)

But calm. Calm resonates so much with me in my adult life. How can I stop the spinning of anxiety and just “STAY CALM.” We have this fight or flight system that is built into our genetics. A fire inside us that if fed can grow out of control. Then as we grow we are taught to fight. As a young girl, growing up in a single mother household, I felt like I had to fight for everything. It is exhausting to always be on guard. I appreciate the struggle because I am a strong, independent woman today but I know the same result can be accomplished in a healthier way.

We fight with our words, our fists, our emotions. Calm tattooed on my punching fist. Can we teach our children to not fight with their fists and words but to just “Stay Calm”? I want to teach my children meditation and slowing down. I want them to be aware when someone around them is hurting so they can be sensitive to how their actions affect them.  I don’t want them to learn to have to fight and scream to be heard. There is incredible self-empowerment in being able to control your emotions and calm yourself down. Teach them that the fire inside them is a beautiful thing. Teach them to use it as positive energy and not let it get out of control.

The fight or flight is inside us. It is primal. We can all use it in a positive way. This is my message. Stay Calm. Spread love. Live life.

- Amanda (@missdjlux)

I spend most of my days giving people advice through my work and personal relationships.  So often I hear, “it must feel so good to be you! You always know what to say”  Well I’m here to tell you I DON’T!  I am so grateful and humbled when I am able to guide someone to stand in their own power and make positive changes in their life, but I don’t always have the answer,  Especially when it comes to my own life.  We all are here to learn lessons and to continue to grow.  I have found over the years that the most difficult lessons and times in my life, the ones that “hurt” the most, are the ones that I have learned the biggest lessons from.  

Well, today I find myself facing a lesson that has reoccurred over and over again throughout my life.  It is a belief of not being good enough, deserving of success, happiness, love.  I have been so close, so many times in my life to having everything I’ve dreamed of only to sabotage the situation and run away from it.  Not today!  TODAY, I stand and fight! TODAY, I stand in my POWER!  Today I choose to believe, to know that everything I am seeking is seeking me. To sit in the moment, in the feeling and know that if I grow thru it, it will all come. Today, instead of feeding the fear and running, I chose to sit in silence and embrace the feelings and be grateful for the lesson. In this silence I realized that the problem wasn’t the feelings I was having, the problem was the control I gave to them and what I chose to do with them.  

Never reject your feelings, whether happy, sad, scared, depressed, angry…. they are all valid and you are feeling them for a reason.  Embrace them, accept them, be grateful for them.  If you like the feeling, stay in it!  But if you don’t, then grow thru it and LET IT GO! 

 🙏🏻💕🙏🏻Celeste (@motheringhealing)

Wow! What a crazy intense journey I have been on the last few years. I went from feeling like a complete victim to standing in my power and starting this business! I was talking to a friend last night and we were discussing how most women take care of everything around them and everyone else around them and not themselves. I stated that when I started to take care of myself is when my world changed. THIS STATEMENT HAS SO MUCH TRUTH.  It seems so simple to take care of ourselves but yet we don’t. Putting yourself first is not an option but a priority. If something feels off, change it. Mentally, emotionally, physically...they can all be changed by starting with baby steps.

I am not quite sure where my path is leading me but I do know I want to share my story. Mia from @thesoberglow said it best. “ I don’t write to prove I have perfected life. I write to show you we all have our own imperfect journey.”

- Amanda (@missdjlux)

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