Guys, I was triggered so fucking bad yesterday!! Sometimes, when I get to hit that hard, I immediately ask myself “how can I possibly feel like this when I do so much work to stay healthy, mentally and energetically?”
Well, the answer is that triggers are healthy. The response is where the power is. Knowing and understanding your triggers is a sign of good emotional health. Your response to them is going to be a direct reflection of what is going on in your life at the moment. If you were already stressed, and then you get triggered you will have a heightened response. Understanding your triggers allows you to move through the emotion while honoring your feelings and body’s energetic response to the trigger.
We are not meant to always be perfectly balanced. That is not life. Our emotions go up and down. Recognizing our patterns and our bodies need to go through the peaks and valleys is the power.
Yesterday hit HARD. My damn Facebook memories showed me a video that I posted as I was leaving my condo three years ago to move in with Billy. I remember feeling the best I ever have in my life. I was sober, emotionally stronger than I had ever been, and completely in LOVE with all of the opportunities unfolding. Physically I LOVED my body. I was strong and I looked in the mirror and loved the vision I saw.
As all of you know I have been through the ringer the last two and a half years. When I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t even recognize the person. I feel like I have aged 10 years and I have put on 20 lbs. I don’t have that intense passion, drive and security that the woman in those pictures had. My soul is tired.
I immediately started crying and got angry with where I am at today. This wasn’t the plan and trying to get back to that strong, confident woman seems next to impossible. I cried, acted irrational with words (about myself) to Billy and vented to a few close friends. Then the irrationality of the situation kicked in.
This is where the power comes. Honoring that I am sad and I miss that woman. Recognizing that she is still there, she just shows up in different ways. I am still very strong and powerful. I am emotionally and mentally healthier than I HAVE EVER BEEN. I do look older but that is life, and it is okay to be thrown off by it at times. My body may never look like that again, but I am physically healthy, and I take baby steps every day to feeling better and better.
I allowed myself to cry and move through the emotion. For me it comes in stages. I get angry, I cry, my crying shifts from pity me cry to a release cry, once the crying ends, I know it is released. I smile and realize that this is life, and I am damn proud of myself.
We have to feel. We all get triggered. If we stuff our emotions and we don’t validate them, then we create chaos in our bodies. Feel it, integrate it, and evolve from it. Know that you are not alone. We all have days where we are pissed off with where we are at with our journey. Yesterday I was triggered by the past. Today I feel excited and blessed for the future.
- Amanda (@luxhealingarts ❤️)