Have you guys heard of a Bordeaux photoshoot? It is basically you completely vulnerable, naked and in front of strangers. I got an unexpected opportunity to do one last month and here is why I did it.
A few months ago, my boyfriend sent me this post on Instagram saying they were taking entries to win a free Bordeaux photoshoot at a new studio that was opening up in Heber. First I thought, no way! I am old and am not putting that much of my body on display. Then I realized how amazing it was that he saw this post and thought that I was beautiful enough to put my body on display. I went into my bedroom and snapped a few shots and sent them into her without thinking. She sent me an email back saying I could do the photo shoot if I wanted and the date of the shoot.
As you guys know, I have been on a personal journey of growth in the last few years. Part of that journey was excepting who I am and wanting to become more comfortable in my own skin. I have always had body image issues and after I had kids they escalated again. It wasn’t until I started to realize my kids were noticing the actions that I made a conscious effort to change. I thought it was funny at first when my daughter and son said my favorite food was a salad. When my daughter asked me why I always weigh myself, I knew I needed to change my patterns. I didn’t want her to watch me grow up and take on my unhealthy ways too.
When I stopped drinking, I also stopped dieting. I eat healthy but I don’t have rules anymore. I used to have a "no carbs after 5" rule and I was really, really strict about what foods I ate. I also stopped weighing myself. The number doesn’t matter anymore. As long as I feel good (which trust me some days are better than others), I am okay.
So here I am 39 years old and all of the sudden I am signing up to get naked in front of a camera! I immediately thought of all my other photo shoots. I would diet and kill myself prior to them. I always felt uncomfortable and felt like I should have done better and worked harder at my physique. I never really liked the “sexy” pics. So at that moment, I decided I would not diet for this shoot. I wanted to see myself and know that that is the real me. I didn’t want to look at pictures and think about the pain I put myself through to look that way. I want to believe in myself and what I am teaching my children.
I was completely horrified! I showed up that day so uncomfortable. I was bloated and not sure what to expect. In the middle of the shoot, Christine stopped to show me a pic and I almost started crying. I looked at it and I thought it was absolutely beautiful. I was holding my throat. My voice. This was another step in finding my voice and standing in my power! I LOVED the picture.
Sometimes we all need a change of perspective. We need to change our own words. I really try not to say, I am fat, I hate this about myself, I should change this. I am not perfect but I am trying to be more aware. I don’t want my kids hearing me say those words to myself. I tell them all the time to “change their words”, well that means I need to also.
Doing the photo shoot was one of the most so empowering things I have ever done. I for the first time look at the pictures and think they are absolutely stunning. Now don’t get me wrong, some I hated but they didn’t change the perspective of myself or how I feel about myself. They just weren’t the most flattering to me at that moment. But some of them I LOVE. They are not perfect, they show some imperfections (what the fuck is perfect anyway), but they are 100% me.
I would suggest that all females jump at the opportunity to do something like this. It isn’t about taking a sexy picture for the world or even your man. It is for you. I felt empowered. When I look at the pics, I see my true self and I think they are beautiful. I am 39 years old, I have had two kids and I feel beautiful.
- Amanda (@missdjlux) ❤️